Want to be my teacher?

I know I havn't posted in a while, sorry. Life has been crazy! Anyways if you would, could you please read this paper I had to write for school and grade it based on the evaluation sheet I will provide? In the comments tell me what I need to work on or what I could do to make it better. Thanks =) ~Katy

Katy Edwards

5/18/2011

Secret Fears

Fear, a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc. Everyone experiences it. Fear of change, failure, or not being perfect. I myself deal and have dealt with a lot of fear in my life. I am not perfect, just as all human’s; I have secret fears and insecurities, but I have became a better person because of them.

One of the things I have dealt with is neophobia, the fear of change. I am a person of habit, I like doing the same procedure over and over, and following a schedule. For this reason, change is often hard for me to accept. I like to stay in my comfort zone, and a lot of the time I miss out on something really fun because I am afraid to experience new things. Change can be painful such as losing a friend, a family member dieing, or moving to a new state, but it also brings happiness. I remember moving from our home in Indiana to Florida. Even at the young age of 7, I was scared.  I didn’t want to leave my friends, my church family, or change anything that I had been doing. Though it took me a while to get used to things, I adapted, made a lot of great friends through the years, and had many experiences I will never forget.

Another thing I struggle with is atychiphobia the fear of failure. I think one of my biggest problems, and probably a big problem for most people, is pride. I am just going to say it, I don’t like to lose, I don’t like to fail at something, but most of all I HATE to be wrong. Sometimes there is a pressure to be perfect, a pressure of which I have put on myself so that  I look smart, and like I have it all together. The truth? I am actually stressing so much over trying to be perfect, that I am slowly cracking. Failure is part of life, if we learn from our mistakes and have a winner’s mentality than we have actually accomplished success.

Yet another common fear, especially for teens, is atelphobia, not being good enough. This goes along with the fear of failure because you put pressure on yourself to please your parents, peers, or the “cool kids” at school. When you start to feel like this you have a low self-esteem, you’re always putting yourself down, and you never feel like you are good enough for anyone or anything. I have never been a confidant person. When I was younger I was super shy, very self-conscious, and very concerned about what people thought about me. Though I still struggle with these thoughts, I have learned that it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if your smile is crooked because that’s how God made you, it doesn’t matter what people think of you as long as you stay true to yourself and do your best in life, and it doesn’t matter if your not the prettiest, smartest, most outgoing person in the world because your true friends will love you just the way you are. Don’t be someone your not, if you’re not naturally a funny or outgoing person don’t try to be that way just to get attention. I tend to be a follower, I stand in the background, I am not always the center of attention, but I have learned to like that about myself because I am known as the mature one that any of my friends can talk to about anything.  Hey, and I can be very crazy when the circumstances call for it. Any of my friends would tell you how crazy I am.

We all have our fears, whether they are change, failure, being self-conscious, etc. I am not perfect, and I have fears like everyone else but more importantly I have tried to learn from my mistakes, and become a better person because of them. Is fear holding you back from living your life? It was for me. Don’t like fear win!

Grade me on 
 Introduction
1. Has interesting lead-in sentences which draw the reader to the general topic 
 Introduction
2. Has all main ideas (I., II., and III.) listed 
 Introduction
3. Has a specific thesis statement at the end of the paragraph 
 Body
1. Has transition + thesis + main idea formula to begin each body paragraph 
 Body
2. Has two details / reasons / examples (A. and B.) of support 
 Body
3. Puts an internal transition before introducing support (For example...) 
 Body
4. Ends with a clincher sentence which repeats the general thesis idea 
 Conclusion
1. Begins with a transition 
 Conclusion
2. Repeats the main ideas (I., II., and III.) in brief list form 
 Conclusion
3. Offers some ideas or question at the end for the reader = lead out sentences 
 Conclusion
4. Shows that the thesis has been proven 
 General
1. States ideas universally (avoids use of personal pronoun "you") 
 General
2. Avoids clichés/slang/contractions (informal language) 
 General
3. Is five full paragraphs in length (Intro + Body + Conclusion) 
 General
4. Rules of punctuation have been followed such as:
Sentences always end with some kind of punctuation such as periods, question marks, or exclamation points
Use apostrophes correctly EX: Burt’s paper
Use commas to separate ideas EX: a paper, a pen, a hat

 General
5. Rules of capitalization have been followed such as:
The pronoun I is always capitalized
All proper nouns are capitalized EX: Orlando
All titles are capitalized EX: The War Of The Worlds

 General
6. Rules of spelling have been followed such as:
Correct spelling of a word EX: clean instead of “kleen”
Correct word usage EX: there (for place) instead of “their”
Use of spell checker